Every once in a while I wonder if receiving my sweet nectar is going to make my hair fall out. I say, "I got so much, it probably won't show". Or, "I don't think I am losing any more than normal". But, every once in a while I put that brush through it and think it has maybe 10 to 20 more strands than I normally lose.
This morning, my brush looked quite full. Then I showered, washed my hair and rinsed it. As I rinsed, I could feel a sensation of something smooth crawling down my spine (on the outside) and I turned around just in time to see a large group of hairs going down the drain. So I tried to catch the rest and flung those at the shower wall so they would stick. I did not want my drain to clog up! I looked at that wall and thought that is alot of hairs. That did not count the ones that kept going down the drain and those that stuck on other parts of the shower (which I grabbed after the shower was over and added them to the other collection).
Damn! That looked like alot of hair. I did not want to put the brush through my scalp for fear I would "pull" out those that were meant to stay in. I let it dry naturally.
My bedroom floor carpet! OH my stars! It is covered with hair. I do not vacuum them because the brush on the vacuum would clog and that is a pain in the ass to remove. So I kneel down once a week and scrape the hairs on the carpet with my hand and put the hair into clumps. OK this is alot of hair. I look in the mirror and accept the fact that it looks thinner than it used to. I have cut it to make it shorter so it looks fuller. How much longer can I do that?
Why am I writing about this? This has been hard to accept! My hair was my crown, my glory. I had a head full of hair all my life. When I was a little girl and mom would send me to get a haircut, the hairdresser would say aloud for all in the shop to hear, "Here comes Alice... get the brooms!" I was always proud of my crowning glory, so to see it falling out a little at a time hurts. It means I am changing. Metamorphing. To?
I am finding my new glory now is my soul. My mind has spent alot of years at work, helping me grow, going through the different stages of life. Cancer has changed alot of me physically, but mostly it has affected my mind. (LOL) It went through many thoughts and new experiences with the process of getting and accepting cancer. So now in the mirror I see myself differently. Older looking? yes. Thinner hair? yes.
I do not see my physical self as much anymore... I can see through that mirror and feel my soul. That is my crowning glory!
2 comments:
that last strand, we can fold it into thirds, braid it and then add the beads, bows and bells like we talked about, but i think the stress and the weight could be damaging so maybe we should curl it into a ringlet and just let it stand alone!
Like a kewpie doll!! How cute!!
Well, I saw my onc today and he told me he has seen only one case of someone going bald with this medicine. But thinning is more common. I guess if I end up with that one hair, it would be considered thinning, not bald. {shrug}
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